Harry Potter Spells that Other Movie Characters Need

I recently took in the latest Harry Potter film. I’ve now seen seven films filled to the brim with spells. All of the charms kind of crack me up because they’re bastardized versions of whatever it is that they do, plus a Latin-sounding portion of the word. Using this formula, what are some spells that could have been used in other films?

Ear Intacto, Reservoir Dogs
Michael Madsen is magic in his own right, managing to continue getting acting roles.

Phallus Reducto, Tootsie
It would’ve made Dustin Hoffman’s life so much easier in that movie.

Baby-corner Expelliama, Dirty Dancing
This is the first and almost certainly the last time I’ll ever reference Dirty Dancing at TDYLF.

Johnnyus Arrivium, The Shining
Who needs an ax?

Dudium Abidios, The Big Lebowski
But that’s just, like, my opinion, man. And the two films even have a common cast member. My mind just about exploded when I realized that these characters are both the same guy (David Thewlis).

Pedophilia Repellius, Happiness
This would’ve saved me from witnessing one of the toughest things to watch on a screen, ever.

Napalmodoria, Apocalypse Now
I feel like I’m being kind of blasphemous injecting goofy sci fi nerd spells into something like Apocalypse Now.

Returnio, The Terminator
Why bother going all the way through “I’ll be bock”?

Corpsum Visio, The Sixth Sense
On second thought, “I see dead people” is infinitely creepier.

Offerosa Acceptium, The Godfather
One way or another- either through Sicilian magic or Harry Potter-style spells- Johnny Fontane is getting that contract.


Filed under Humor, Movies

11 responses to “Harry Potter Spells that Other Movie Characters Need

  1. fuzzywuzzy

    reconstructius memorio – Momento

  2. rtm

    Hahahaha… fun post, John! LOVE it. That Dirty Dancing one is spot on.

  3. Hilarious post, even though I’m not a great fan of the Harry Potter movies. I was especially amused by the spells for Lebowski and The Shining. Good stuff!

  4. If these didn’t make me feel like a colossal nerd, they could sort of go on and on.

  5. I’d really like a spell that puts Baby INTO the corner. Possibly forever.

    • I’d like to let her out from time to time merely to flirt with Charlie Sheen and to try foiling her brother’s nefarious plots to skip school.

  6. The guy who met Kevin Meany

    I read that they are making a sequel to Happiness. I’m not even kidding.

    • The final scene with the dog licking everyone’s face is hilarious. And really gross. I hope the sequel is about that dog learning to talk or something, kind of like “Milo and Otis”.

  7. Pingback: Horror Movies About Lesser Holidays |

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