Recommended Mid-Season TV Show Replacements

It’s time for networks all over the TV landscape to introduce their viewers to new shows. It is with much regret that I must inform you- not all of them will make it past the larval stage. Ergo, TV executives must create emergency plans for when their shows die on the vine. To help them maintain continuity in their programming, I’ve come up with several recommended mid-season replacements.

The World Needs Ditch Diggers
The History Channel adds to their rich tradition of honoring the past by following around some guys in Pennsylvania who dig ditches. Special emphasis is placed on the technology of ditch digging, like the shovel, appropriate trench depth, and the maximum amount of digging that can be done before it’s necessary to hydrate.

David Spade plays a snarky aquarium employee who can communicate with dolphins. But what happens when the dolphins tire of his attitude? Hilarity ensues. Voice of Squeakers, the talking dolphin: James Earl Jones.

Darius Rucker’s Ozark Mountain Jamboree
Hearkening back to variety shows of the past, Darius Rucker hosts a weekly one-hour show featuring “down home” comedy sketches, country music performances, and general aw-shuckery. Live from Branson, Missouri.

I Survived Ice Dancing with a Polar Bear
Celebrity contestants compete in a weekly dance contest in which they must first bathe in seal blubber before dancing with a polar bear. The prize for weekly winners- continuing to live!

Stoner Chef
Who better to come up with inventive, challenging, mostly delicious dishes than someone baked out of their gourd? The Travel Channel presents Stoner Chef, a show dedicated to making thousands of dishes out of 15 cents worth of Ramen noodles, a bag of Doritos, a jar of peanut butter, and three tortillas.

Extreme Clown Swap
In this hot new CBS series, carnivals around the county will swap clowns. Some carnivals are deadly serious. Others are all fun and games. Will they survive this strange balancing act of clown swapping? Tune in Tuesdays at 9:00 EST to find out.

My Hobo Pal
A young child befriends a local vagrant (Gary Busey). This heart-warming tale tells the story of the duo as they travel around their native Portland, righting injustices with their unorthodox friendship. Also, maybe the hobo is a robot. Starring… I don’t know, isn’t there another Fanning?

Ad to the Bone
Seeking to enhance their reach with rural markets, a high-powered New York ad agency digs deep into the south to hire Jasper Pickett (Michael Rooker), an impoverished Georgia ex-con who lives in a trailer park. Wacky highjinx follow. Agency president played by Glenn Close.

Sparkly Rainbow Unicorn Pre-Teen Action Force
Led by Madison Unicornington, a band of superhero pre-teen girls fight villains, pimples, and Mr. Turlington, their grumpy science teacher. But will they be able to survive their crush on Chad?!?! Let the Disney Channel take you on this magical journey.


Filed under Humor, TV Shows

17 responses to “Recommended Mid-Season TV Show Replacements

  1. The guy who met Kevin Meany

    I grew up watching Darius Rucker’s Ozark Mountain Jamboree. Back then, they called it Hee Haw. The first concert I ever went to was Grandpa Jones. Roy Clark and Buck Owens were always the hosts. Memories from my childhood.

  2. The ones that have the best chance of making it to TV are Stoner Chef and Sparkly Rainbow Unicorn Pre-Teen Action Force. A combination of these two would be ideal.

  3. Alexandra

    I wish Ad to the Bone existed. Can Angie Harmon be the cop who wants to put Michael Rooker back in prison so that we can have a lot of Angie Harmon vs. Glenn Close cat fights? Pretty please?

  4. MJ

    I would totally watch ‘Stoner Chef’. It sounds AWESOME!

  5. I hope MY HOBO PAL isn’t too overly sentimental. Looks like it might be okay if he’s a robot.

    Also, SQUEAKERS… best worst TV show idea EVER.

  6. I am in with Stoner Chef!! That is a show right up my street!!

    I am afraid i am away from 22-29th so won’t be able to comment over here. But I haven’t forgot you I am just away…Please comment on FRC though as I have left Toby in charge…:-)

    Thanks matey

  7. There are a bunch of yay’s for Stoner Chef. I’m telling ya, it’s a great idea…

  8. withheld on the off chance I might have to cross the border again.

    What about the CIC? The Commander in Chief? You know, where the president has to make whingeing speeches, fight the evil doers in Congress, start wars, torture people, avoid anything to do with the environment – oh, someone’s hitting me over the head and says it’s already on the air.
    Never mind.

  9. JT

    I’m glad these aren’t real shows… if they were I’d be scared for the future of America

  10. For An Angel

    Sparkly Rainbow Unicorn Pre-Teen Action Force

    I’d watch that one! XD

  11. Pingback: Hit List: September 22, 2011 « IMDb: All the Latest

  12. you mean these aren’t for real? why not?

  13. I realize this is a joke, but given that the mid-season shows actually on tap this year look a lot more interesting and promising than the Fall Lineup, I don’t think that’s where the nets need help.

  14. Haggis

    Perhaps you are unaware of the Pony Phenomenon.

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