Forgive me. I’m a bit inebriated and I don’t have anything to write. So I’m going to lift someone else’s awesomely creative idea and jump in on the “Houdini’s Magic Ticket” blog-a-thon. Top 10 Films currently has a series of fun questions going, found here. Here are my answers to those questions:
What character would I most like to be sat next to on a plane?
Given that I’m in a confined space, and there are almost no consequences to my actions while I’m in said confined space, I’d seek out a great shit-disturber. And there is no great shit-disturber that I find more interesting than Randall P. “R.P.” McMurphy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest fame. He’s a character drawn straight from the mind who played a pivotal role in the Merry Pranksters. Call it the Further Plane.
What character would I most want to enjoy a passionate romance with?
No woman on earth has ever been as beautiful as Séverine Serizy (Catherine Deneuve) in Belle de Jour. To use any other character’s name would be blasphemy.
If I were a cop who would I want as my partner?
This is a coin flip between Nicholas Angel and Danny Butterman, the dynamic duo from Edgar Wright’s brilliant buddy cop spoof Hot Fuzz. Danny had heart. Nicholas had competence and that sort of makes him the obvious choice.
What animated feature would I love to walk around in?
This is a tough question because, presumably, muppets don’t count and I’d like to hang out with muppets. Since strolling around in Kermit’s world is out of the question, I’ll go with South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Animated movies in general are great but I know I’d be far too crass to survive anywhere else but that tiny little mountain town where f-bombs are copious and ridiculous adventures are there for the taking.
What adventure based on earth would I most like to go on?
I want to buy the ticket and take the ride in Terry Gilliam’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
When I came to, the general back-alley ambience of the suite was so rotten, so incredibly foul. How long had I been lying there? All these signs of violence. What had happened? There was evidence in this room of excessive consumption of almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 AD. What kind of addict would need all these coconut husks and crushed honeydew rinds? Would the presence of junkies account for all these uneaten french fries? These puddles of glazed ketchup on the bureau? Maybe so. But then why all this booze? And these crude pornographic photos smeared with mustard that had dried to a hard yellow crust? These were not the hoofprints of your average God-fearing junky. It was too savage. Too aggressive.
Whoever lived that evening had a night that none of us will ever match.
What adventure based in an otherworldly, fantasy-based location would I most like to go on?
As much as I’d like to say Fantasia for all of the beautiful classical music-infused pyrotechnics, I think the more obvious choice is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. In addition to being insanely wealthy, you’d have an army of singing oompa loompas and all the chocolate you could ever want at your disposal. Also, you could be a dick to anyone who didn’t play by your rules, turning them into giant blueberries and so forth.
What movie gadget would I love to try out (or steal)?
Pfft. Easiest question out of all of them. A DeLorean that travels through time would be amazing with a capital A.
What film’s plot would I alter and how would I do it?
Tom Hagen would be a crucial character in the third Godfather film. This isn’t me being creative. It’s what Coppola wanted to do. And Godfather III would’ve been sooooo much better if they had the security blanket of a powerful and familiar character like Tom Hagen, played expertly by a phenomenal actor like Robert Duvall.
What one film would I most want to be transported into, simply to be a part of that world?
I’d love to spend time in a Luis Buñuel film just because nobody pulls any punches about the malleability of meaning and concepts. It’d probably feel a lot more natural to me anyway. I guess forced to choose one, I’d have to go with The Phantom of Liberty. Honorable mention goes to the wacky version of Winnipeg that Guy Maddin created for My Winnipeg. The trailer for Phantom: