12 Fake Futurama Products That I Would Eat or Drink

There are loads of things to like about Futurama. Taken at face value, the show is hilarious, it’s smart, and the people who make it clearly have a lot of fun making it. One of my favorite aspects of the show, like The Simpsons before it, is how much humor is buried in their surroundings. Blink and you might miss a company name, a street name, or a product name. Some of my favorite humor on the show comes from the food and beverages they consume in New New York. Here are twelve fake food and beverages I’d eat or drink. Wimmy wam wam wozzle!

It's alive? That's where I draw the line.

They more or less look like popcorn chicken or shrimp. And popcorn-sized meat items are usually tasty (assuming you aren’t a vegetarian, and sometimes even if you are). The key is to catch them before they reach consciousness. I couldn’t eat one after it reached consciousness. I also couldn’t eat them if they’d given them the other potential name, “tasticles”.

Big Pink Gum
Not only is it a gum that possesses the breath-freshening power of ham. It also pinkens your teeth while you chew. If it also did your taxes, it’d be the most perfect product ever made.

It Sure Ain’t Butter
All of you fools out there can enjoy your I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in peace. But can you be sure it’s not butter? Only one butter substitute offers such assurances.

You may be wondering how good Slurm tastes. I’ll tell you good it tastes. It tastes so good that people find out that it’s made in a giant worm’s butthole, and they still drink it. Sign me up. Plus, it’s endorsed by Slurms McKenzie. Party on, dudes!

Horseburger with Horse Coke
Throughout human history and in various countries, people have eaten horse meat. And thus you know that it can’t be all that bad. Grinding it up and putting it in hamburger form will only improve the product, especially if the horses are 100% horse-fed for that double-horse “juiced-in” goodness. Better yet, combine it with carbonation and sugar for a tasty beverage. Just don’t offer me a Horse Pepsi. Nay, thank you.

“Froot” Cup
Have you ever eaten a grape or an apple with a slice of cheese? It’s amazing. And now, Fishy Joe’s restaurant has amplified the concept by taking fruit- or something mildly resembling it, called “froot”- and adding your choice of cheese filling to it. Bon appétit!

For maximum enjoyment, dress like a total slob.

Bachelor Chow
You know the scene. It’s 2 am. You’ve had a long night of drinking. And the only thing in your refrigerator is more beer, mayonnaise packets, some leftover hot pockets, and two very old slices of lunch meat. You can try to craft that into some sort of meal, or you can go with the alternative–Bachelow Chow. It makes its own gravy! Just add water for flavor!

Extreme Walrus Juice
It’s the only beverage you’ll ever find that’s made from fresh-squeezed walrus. Who can resist a catchy slogan like “Ride the Walrus”?

Buggalo Tots
Buggalo tots are made from ingredients so rare that you have to have a state-issued warrant to discover the ingredients. You’d assume that there’s at least buggalo in them. What’s a buggalo? It’s a giant beetle with a cow-patterned shell. As for the rest of the ingredients, nobody really knows. But with 35, 50, and 101 piece buckets, there’s sure to be a quantity that suits you.

For external use only.

Monsieur Carton Boxed Wine
You can tell it’s an effective inebriant because the box actually says “For External Use Only” on it. It also combines the classiness of wine, the classiness of things with French names, and the convenience of wine in a box.

LöBrau Beer
If you watch enough Futurama, then you realize that LöBrau Beer has been produced for at least 1,000 years. Fry has consumed it both in the late 20th and in the early 31st century. A beer that lasts 1,000 years has to be good. Right? RIGHT?!?!

Aunt Snu-Snu’s Maple Syrup
On Amazonia, where Aunt Snu-Snu’s maple syrup is made, “snu-snu” means “sex”. Following this to its logical conclusion, the product is maple syrup made by Aunt Sex. Maple syrup is good. Sex is good. Everything about this product is a win.


Filed under Humor, TV Shows

9 responses to “12 Fake Futurama Products That I Would Eat or Drink

  1. I must admit I am not that familiar with this. But it made me laugh reading this post A LOT!

  2. Sign me up for those gourmet products! I have to catch up on the later Futurama episodes!

  3. I always thought of slurm as being like Mountain Dew. People are addicted to that stuff. I forgot about Bachelor Chow. That would be an awesome product.

  4. Pingback: The 10 Best Fake Movie Titles from The Simpsons |

  5. Slurm

    Still waiting for Slurm to become available in a shop nearby …

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