A few weeks ago while writing about Futurama, I pointed out that one of my favorite parts of The Simpsons is how much humor they bury in the surroundings. The stores, the products sold in those stores, the newspaper headlines, and the marquees around town all feature bonus humor above and beyond the plot and dialogue. Never is it more evident than on the family’s various treks to the Springfield Googolplex to see a movie. There are tons of uproarious film titles that have appeared on the theatre marquee through the years. For instance…
It’s worth noting that I’m not including films starring Troy McClure. It’s not that they aren’t good enough. Far from it. They deserve their own category.
The Poke of Zorro
You may recall this film as the movie that inspired Homer to start slapping everyone with a glove. The best part was the end credits. The movie included Shawn Wayans as “Robot Zorro”; Meryl Streep as the “Stupid Nun”; Curtis ‘Booger’ Armstrong as the Scarlet Pimpernel; Posh Spice as the “Wise Nun”; Cheech Marin as King Arthur; and my personal favorite, James Earl Jones as the “Voice of Magic Taco”.
Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie
I’m just going to put this out there. If there was a real feature-length Itchy and Scratchy movie, I would pay to see it.
Kosovo Autumn
When I tell my friends that I’ve been watching foreign films, I’m almost certain that this is what they picture in their heads:
Love is Nice, starring Julia Roberts
The best part of this title is that it was offered up as evidence of Homer’s new-found intelligence after having a crayon removed from his brain. He absolutely ripped it to shreds. And it came on the heels of a series of roles for Julia Roberts that included Notting Hill, Runaway Bride, My Best Friend’s Wedding, and Everyone Says I Love You. In other words, a bunch of different versions of a movie called Love is Nice.
Look Who’s Oinking
Although there wasn’t actually any clips show from the movie on The Simpsons, we can safely assume it was the general gist of Look Who’s Talking with a pig playing the part of the baby.
The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t But Then Was
Guess what happens in this movie? Bonus points for the Christmas hobgoblins, and the clearly wooden reindeer, likely an homage to the Mexican Santa Claus (1959).
Honk if You’re Horny (starring Faye Dunaway and Pauly Shore)
The timing on this title is brilliant. It originally aired in 1995. In other words, it was when Pauly Shore roamed the earth. Shore was more or less the Adam Sandler of that particular era, cranking out one Jack and Jill-esque movie after another. His leading lady was… Faye Dunaway. Dunaway compiled a brilliant resumé early in her career but it had dwindled to almost nothing by 1995. Oh, and the title is hilarious. This is my personal favorite.
Space Mutants 4: The Trilogy Continues
This is an amazing and hysterically shitty name for a sequel to a trilogy. Too bad George Lucas didn’t name The Phantom Menace in the same way.
My Dinner with Jar Jar
Placing Jar Jar Binks in the role of André Gregory might be the only thing you could do to My Dinner with André (1981) that would make me enjoy Gregory’s original role less.
The Re-Deadening
Half Child’s Play (1988) and half Village of the Damned (1960), The Re-Deadening starred Lenny Leonard. His famous line: “Baby Button Eyes! What are you doing possessed at this hour?”
thedroidyourelookingfor.wordpress.com 
Hahaha these are brilliant. I remember seeing The Poke of Zorro on the glove slap episode and videotaping it so I could pause and look at the names in the credits. Ah, youth.
The listing of James Earl Jones slays me every time. And the “Glove Slap” song.
Love it when people make the effort to pack so much detail into the seemingly incidental stuff. Great post, thanks!
The Simpsons writers are so good at it, too.
I might be missing your point because it is early and i haven’t had coffee yet…but “paint your wagon” is a real movie. I know the Simpson did a knock off short version, but the title and the actors are correct.
Sorry about the gaffe there. I had no clue that was a real movie. I’ve swapped it out with “Love is Nice”.
Paint Your Wagon was actually a real musical with Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood. I tried watching it a bunch of years back and was really disappointed that it didn’t have the “Paint Your Wagon” song from the Simpsons.
Wow… I had no idea. I assumed something that outlandish had to be fake.
I’ll edit it out here in a sec.
Yeah, I was completely shocked when I found out it was actually real.
Good memories of The Simpsons! Great writers!
Love is Nice! I fully support any mocking of the career of Ms. Roberts. I love The Re-Deadening, Honk if You’re Horny, Kosovo Autumn, The Poke of Zorro (sure did enjoy the B52s glove-slap song too!), Okay, I like all of these already!
“Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie” I’m just going to put this out there. If there was a real feature-length Itchy and Scratchy movie, I would pay to see it.”
I would defintely pay theatre price to see an itchy and scratchy movie! I paid theatre price to see the Simpsons movie and it was bloody entertaining. Homer’s Hammer in the eye right at the beginning of the film alone made it worth paying theatre price for.
One of my personal favourite fake films from the simpson was LEFT BELOW. I believe that is the same episode where Homer stands on a street corner ringing a bell shouting “God Loves you and he’s going to Kill you! ” Halirious!
epic! thanks!
Man, this just makes me want to sit down and watch a bunch of old Simpsons episodes. Love the list, John.
HAHA Honk if you are Horny!! Love that one.. I used to like Pauly Shore… I kknow that makes me a bad person!
Squeeze The Ju—oooose Buuuuuu —- Deee
Ha… it’s ok, Scott. There was a magical time on earth where all the stars aligned and lots of people liked Pauly Shore.
GReat stuff! They’d do fake movies in “The A-Team” every now and then, the best of which was “Wine for Breakfast.”
Ha… Wine for Breakfast? How did they present it? Was it a heavy drama? An adventure?
I would like to see “Editor In Chimp.” Also, Rainier Wolfcastle in “Undercover Nerd,” which prompted this awesome dialogue:
Rainier: In it, I am horrified to discover that my son is a nerd!
Interviewer: Sounds hilarious!
Rainier: It’s not a comedy
Haha… there’s a whole list to be made just from Rainier Wolfcastle’s movies. McBain alone is worth a handful of movies.
MENDOOOOOOOZAAAAA!
Stop talking crazy!
Homer: ‘He gets results you stupid chief!’
Lisa: ‘Sit down, dad’.
Haha… classic Homer.
one of my favorites is Truckasaurus: The Movie Starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus.
or when they would cut off a show on tv, the one that sticks out to me is “Blackula meets Black Dracula…will not be seen tonight.”
Ha… that Blacula line is great. Very memorable.
How could any list be complete without “Christmas Ape goes to Summer Camp”?
What about Das Butt?
“Ernest Needs a Kidney.”
This was a title to a movie that Bart Simpson saw in a theater after setting up Mrs. Krabappel with a dinner date with “Woodrow Wilson.”
Actually I think you missed the Dunaway/Shore joke. Faye had developed a reputation for turning down many great roles while Pauly was in every script he was offered. Hence the joke, including the fact that the two would probably never star in the same movie in a million years. Nevertheless thank you for compiling this list and sharing with us!!! I too love many of the crazy titles on the Gogoplex sign!!! Thanks again!