Chewbacca: The Poem

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I made a stupid joke on Twitter that I was writing a poem and needed to know what rhymed with Chewbacca. That gave me the idea that an actual poem about Chewbacca- written from the heart- had the potential to be hilarious. But I knew I wasn’t the person to write it. There was only one person I know who could do it up right. That would be my friend Jeff, he of the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang review. Jeff is one of the funniest people I know. So without further ado, here is “Jabberwakka”, a poem about Chewbacca, along with a bonus haiku to get you warmed up.

A HAIKU
Chewbacca awesome
Tearing arms out of sockets
Don’t fuck with Wookies

JABBERWAKKA
Twas quiet, and Clone Troopers
Did Order 66 Obey:
All chilin were the Wookies that night,
where the Jedi did stay.

Beware the Sith My Son!
The lies they tell, the red blades they brandish.
Beware the Chancellor,
and shun the Skywalker outlandish.

He took his bowcaster in hand:
Longtime friends, become foes he sought–
So he rested in a Wroshyr Tree,
And reloaded while he thought.

And, hanging by the palisade,
The Clone troops, coming for the Jedi Master,
Came crashing through the barricade,
Chewie Grabbed his Bowcaster.

Peew, Peew! Peew, Peew! And burning through
His caster went and held them back!
He took em out in a mob, and finished the job
And stealthily headed back.

“And hast thou slain the Clone Army?
Come and see what’s in store!
With Palpatine and Vader in charge,
You and your friends are in for more!

Twas quiet, and Clone Troopers
Did Order 66 Obey:
All chilin were the Wookies that night,
and the Jedi did slay.