It’s time yet again for the article that’s easy for me and fun for you- Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews! Here’s volume twelve of people writing really funny Netflix viewer reviews. These are presented completely unedited. Even when you think I might have edited something in or out of the copy, I assure you that I have not.
“Stay out of my ‘Murrican westerns, fatass!”
High Plains Drifter (1973)
Well this one was great when I saw it when I was a kid. Now I see it again, and I’m saying to myself; “what?” The movie is just plain dopey!! Existentialism? what’s that? I’m a western guy, okay! This Buddhist stuff can stay with Da Buddha. Anyhow. Clint’s worst western he ever made. (if not his worse movie period) I say hang up your spurs pardner. Good thing he made lots better ones after this. Let it gather dust. Not worth the rental.
Rounders (1998)
John Malcovitch is the sh*t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Da fack!!?! Pay dat man hes monee.
Rock of Ages (2012)
IWe liked the music, but the movie was terrible. Know we know why it is listed as one of the 5 useless movibes of 2012! Can’t believe Tom Cruise would be in this movie! He looked more like a pimp – gave good 80’s music a bad rap. If we could give the movie 0 stars we would have!
The reviewer for The Hangover is a teen? There’s a fuckin’ shocker.
The Hangover (2009)
The hangover is part of an elite club that makes movies as good as they are. The stupid people who say this movie sucked are probably reviewing it from a mental hospital. Or an old folks home. Or church. Yeah. Yeah probably church. ANYWAYS… it probably is more suited for teenagers. I know it’s rated R but everything that teens like is. I’m a teen, and I know that it is kinda stupid, but even people who hate stupid jokes’ll probably like this movie, here’s the test, if you liked stepbrothers you’ll probably like this movie, if you liked grown ups you’ll probably like this movie, if you liked dumb and dumber you’ll probably LOVE this movie. And you know what if you think it’s dumb, that’s your opinion, but if you hate it, and you think it was a waste of your time, then i hope you die in a hole, and when you die, i shall say words of wisdom…so long gayboyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Bad Taste (1988)
If it says “bad,” if it sounds bad, if I looks bad, then it probably is s¿¿¿(served on a 1.2mm disk) in cheap/dated film qality that matchs the effortless acting that’s a forewarning to quickly turn off this mss of a cinematic gag that failed to get the lgo away” message accross with it’s cover alien flipping you off after it was edited for home release(displaying 2 fingers instead!)
Dolemite (1975)
This has to be the all time stupest movie Ive ever seen. Worse even than Ghandi. So bad its hilarious. So stupid its a bit depressing. What did the producers of this thing think of their audience? Not much I suppose.
Every Which Way But Loose (1978)
So long as I live, there will never be a day that goes by without me wondering why this exceptional film isn’t part of The Criterion Collection.
Funny Girl (1968)
So I am not sure if I am just not gay enoguh to love this but I watched it as a must see for the gays but found myself insanly bored with the slow moving plot and this musical just did not seem “natural” which I realize is a bizzar thing to say but let me just say it was no Meet Me In St. Louis which I love SO MUCH. I’m just not a big enough Barbra fan I guess give me Judy or Liza any day!
Spider Baby (1964)
If I could legally marry a movie I probably wouldnt. But if I was legally obligated to marry a movie Id say I do to this one.
Jerry Maguire (1996)
HEY CAN YOU DELETE THE REVIEW I JUST WROTE A COUPLE MINUTES AGO PLEASE? I want to redo it. Thanks a million I don’t want my name on that!!! thanks
Space Cowboys (2000)
This movie was everything it said it would be. There was space. There were cowboys. YEEHAAWWWWW (but you cant hear this because theres no noise in space)!
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The Spider Baby one is the best review of anything ever.
I take it you’ve seen it?
No I just love the review. I think it’s because he sets up an absurd premise then deals with it an overly rational manner.
Dolemite is WORSE than Ghandi.
Ha… I’ll take your word for it, although I do want to see Dolemite (haven’t yet). I thought it was hilarious he was comparing the two.
Yea, why isn’t Every Which Way But Loose in the Criterion Collection?
Exactly.
I want to hear the Peter Cowie commentary about Clyde.
Da Buddha? When did Chris Farley’s SNL Superfan character start reviewing movies?
“This Buddhist stuff can stay with Da Buddha. Anyhow, coulda used more Ditka.”
I want to see a Farley “Da Buddha” dance in a hula skirt.
The Hangover rant is the silliest one for me. If you think it’s dumb, that’s okay, but if you hate it, look out. Die in a hole! So ridiculous. I’m also not sure that “so long gayboyyyyy” really are words of wisdom.
“Juvenile” is the word I kept coming up with to describe that review.
And here I always thought High Plains Drifter was Eastwood’s best. What do I know? Thank you, Netflix commenter.
Ok, I have to ask… rank the following. No wrong answers here, I’m just curious:
High Plains Drifter, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Pale Rider, Unforgiven, A Fistful of Dollars, A Few Dollars More, Good/Bad/Ugly
Rounders review pretty much says it all.
The Hangover: Did Todd Phillips write that?
Haha… I love that Phillips zing.