Fun With Netflix Viewer Reviews: Volume 17

It’s time yet again for the article that’s easy for me and fun for you- Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews! Here’s volume seventeen of people writing really funny Netflix viewer reviews. These are presented completely unedited. Even when you think I might have edited something in or out of the copy, I assure you that I have not.

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (2011)


Silent movies… aren’t… movies?!?

Un Chien Andalou (1929)
This is a 17 minute silent movie. I don’t consider silent movies to be movies at all. You have to have sound, people talking for it to be a movie. None of this makes any sense at all, but then it probably was not supposed to. Oh, well, it went by very quickly.

Jack and Jill (2011)
In determining priority for shipping and inventory allocation, we give priority to those members who receive the fewest DVDs through our service,¿ N-flix¿s revised policy now reads. The statement specifically warns that heavy renters are more likely to encounter shipping delays and less likely to immediately be sent their top choices. The term they use for this is called “throttling” and it amounts to fraud.

Jason X (2002)
NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! wast of time my peeps do not wach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

R. Kelly: Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12 (2005)
Plan 9 from Outer Space meets hip hop…The only thing funnier than watching this is watching R. Kelly’s commentary. (Seriously, do it!) This masterpiece of ego stroking and self-delusion hits you with a wall of bizarre plotlines & amateurish wordsmithing set to a viral, monotonous melody. Fan-damn-tastic! Hi-larious! Mr. Kelly, I swear, we’re laughing *with* you, not at you!

Editor’s Note: Actually, this kind of makes me want to watch it. Here’s a clip:

Life of Pi (2012)
One word review – BORING! ITS NOT AVATAR. Yes, the CGI is very good but to compare this movie to Avatar is an insult. Inconsistant theme. The movie could not decide to be about finding GOD or survival adventure. Some will like it but, if you looking for something with a good story and keep you on the edge of your seat, THIS IS NOT IT.

We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)
OMG!!!! What did I just watch??? Yes, it will hold your interest. Im sure this has happened before. Acting was excellent, a little too believable. Now.. to address the issue. THIS IS WHAT THE NO QUESTIONS ASKED LEAVE THE BRAT ON THE FIRESTATION DOORSTEP IS FOR!!!! I would have dumped his sorry miserable obnoxious little a@@ off by the second time he crapped his pants! And then after all the mayhem the stupid idiot shows up and coddles him some more? I would have packed my bags, left town and tried to have a life for the first time in 16 years. I just dont get it. Oh well, good movie if you can wade through the implied stupidity of the storyline and actions…

Editor’s Note: I admire this person’s enthusiasm.


Preach the truth, Netflix reviewer!

Battlefield Earth (2000)
In Oregon, we have legally assisted suicide. In the other 49 states, you can use this movie for the same effect.

Spring Breakers (2012)
Seriously, how could NF tell me I would give this 3.5 stars? This is the WORST movie I have ever seen. I had 0 expectations going into it and was still disappointed. I kept waiting for the story to start and it just never does. There were fleeting moments that kept my interest, but 98% of the movie I was bored and feeling ripped off. To the director’s credit, the movie is aesthetically pleasing and at least now I have Halloween costume ideas. Don’t waste your time. SPRANNNNGG BRAAAAAAAKKKEE BITCHEZZ

Rio (2011)


Filed under Humor, Movies

20 responses to “Fun With Netflix Viewer Reviews: Volume 17

  1. Well I hope the person that reviewed We Need to Talk About Kevin never has kids. Also “Boring – it’s not Avatar” Did they really just insinuate that the movie with the most generic plot of all time isn’t boring? The Battlefield Earth review is awesome.

    • That line about Avatar is 100% why I included that review. Like… were they expecting something like Avatar?

      I guess “not leaving your child on the doorstep of a fire station” is sort of Parenting 101.

  2. Yea, the Nooooo bitch part also makes me want to see it. Maybe someday.

  3. LOVE THIS!! I always look forward to your next edition, er volume 😀 That Battlefield Earth one is the best by far and yet you still watch it John!!

  4. Oh man, you really *do* need to watch Trapped in the Closet! It’s a freakin’ riot. I haven’t seen it since college, but I’m kicking myself for missing the sing-a-long screening that happened here a couple months ago.

  5. It’s hard to get that many spelling mistakes into the Jason X review, yet it keeps making me laugh out loud. Battlefield Earth – so true.

    • Yeah, there’s only nine different words in there but they managed to squeeze in a whole host of bad grammar.

      And… yeah. It’s been five days since I saw Battlefield Earth and I’m still licking my wounds.

  6. Un Chien: “Oh, well, it went by very quickly.” Ha, Jesus. Yeah, man, oh well.

    WNTTAK: I don’t know if that is priceless or terrifying.

    Spring Breakers: “To the director’s credit, the movie is aesthetically pleasing and at least now I have Halloween costume ideas.” Now THAT’S priceless.

  7. And I thought I was not that good at writing reviews… Everytime you post one of these I feel better about my writings! Thanks for that John!

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