The Nine Best Television Butt Antics

Let me assk you a question. How would you like to see a list that’s sure to send you over the moon? Not only that, butt it might even make you crack a smile. Don’t get left behind, lest you bottom out and look like a dumbass. By now, you’re probably wondering what’s the butt of all these jokes, these ass puns. Here are the nine best television butt antics.

100 Things I Love About Television

To quote Homer Simpson, television is our “teacher, mother… secret lover.” It bathes us with entertainment whenever we want. TV gives us comedies, dramas, cops, lawyers, mobsters, doctors, variety shows, and just about anything else you could want. It’s time to give something back to TV. Thus, here’s my love letter to it- a listing of 100 things I love about television.

Fictional Holiday Specials That I Wish Were Real

We’re officially in the throes of Hanukkah, and just a few days away from Christmas. This means that if you haven’t finished your shopping, you’re probably boned. It also means that holiday specials are in full bloom. Everyone is familiar with the real holiday specials–Rudolph, Frosty, the Grinch–but how about the satire versions that appear in our favorite movies and TV shows? Here are some fictional holiday specials that I wish were real.

The Holiday Specials Quiz

In just a few short days, America will celebrate Thanksgiving. And a few short hours after that, the wonderful onslaught of holiday specials will begin. For a month, networks will march out every conceivable claymation and animation character and every holiday story to put you in the mood to BUY BUY BUY! To help you prepare, I’ve created a holiday specials quiz. How will you fare? Are you a grinch? A magical snowman? Santa?

You Bastards! 15 Hilarious Things that have Killed Kenny

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The 15th season of South Park starts this week. It’s been a fantastic run for Trey Parker and Matt Stone and their universe of foul-mouthed 4th graders. Along the way, Stone and Parker have needled just about every celebrity and hot button issue possible. Nothing at all has been sacred. And yet, my favorite gag on the show remains the many deaths of Kenny McCormick. While they’ve become less frequent, the show still toys around with Kenny’s death. Everyone’s favorite 9 year old welfare recipient has bitten the dust 86 times. Here are 15 hilarious things that have killed Kenny. You bastards!

1. The Mir Space Station
This happened in the first season of the show, when Kenny’s death was just becoming a recurring gag. And it’s an early example of Parker and Stone having fun with topical matters. At the time, Mir had collided in space with a cargo craft. Come October while airing the first South Park Halloween episode, Mir came tumbling to earth and crushed Kenny as the boys were waiting for the school bus. Technically, he came back to life as a zombie in the same episode when he was embalmed with Worcestershire sauce, and then caused a zombie outbreak by giving everyone the most horribly misdiagnosed case of pinkeye ever.

Ten Fictional TV Businesses that I Wish Were Real

Presented in no particular order…

1. Shitty Wok, South Park

Why yes, generic Chinese restaurant guy stereotype. As a matter of fact, I would like to try the Shitty Chicken.

2. Satriale’s, The Sopranos

Knowing what we all know about what went on in that place, I’m not sure I could enjoy a sandwich in there. I really don’t want my capicola being sliced on the same slicer that was used to hack up hundreds of corpses. But the ambiance alone would make it a worthwhile trip.